“Yeah, it was great! He pulled my hair a little, and I really liked that. Maybe we should try that sometime.” That’s pretty easy! Does it work like that in reality? Sadly, no.

The good news is that it actually does work that way in an increasing number of open and/or polyamorous relationships. I am a gay man in a long-term (20+ years) relationship with the love of my life, who honestly doesn't have a jealous bone in his body. I have a number of friends with benefits and sometimes when one of them comes over he will join us ... and sometimes we play alone. But we both enjoy comparing notes and yes, we have picked up a few new tricks over the years. How can you tell someone that you love not to enjoy himself or herself, and still call it love? (I wrote an earlier post on this same topic titled "Sex Is a Lot Like ... Tennis!")