When my wife and I made the decision to divorce, we were employed as “houseparents” in a group residence for teenagers with cognitive disabīities. They only hired married couples, and like you we had not saved up enough to set up two separate households. We made the decision to stay together for one more yeat and save every penny that we could.

We also decided to maintain the pretense of being a happily married couple, for several reasons: first, we wanted our young son to witness his parents gradually separate and create independent lives while continuing to be friends and continuing to cooperate as co-parents; we needed to keep our jobs to make this plan work; and we knew that our families would rush in “take sides”—so we agreed to tell no one in either family until the divorce was final.

Emotionally, this breakup was easier than many. I stopped trying to force myself to be straight. When I came out to her, she initially wanted to stay together and negotiate a sexual arrangement that would be ʻenoughʻ for her, but not ʻtoo muchʻ for me. I agreed, knowing that was not a longterm solution, but would give her time to come to terms with the situation. About nine nonths later she announced that she had bought a present for me. She then handed me a book titled “Do It Yourself Divorce Kit in Washington State” (or something similar). Thatʻs when we decided to give ourselves a yearlong runway to plan snd save for our new lives.

Perhaps the most surprising thing for me was her plunging into dating when we still several months from separating. We lived and worked in a small town that thrived on gossip. I felt like a heel, but I asked her to wait which she reluctantly agreed to do. It was awkward, but we pulmed it off. We worked well as roommates, but a year being in suspense—stuck between the old life and a new one that was still ill-defined. Lying to family and friends was guilt-inducing … and it was a shock for them to learn that we had already divorced, since none were that our marriage was anything but bliss.