This is interesting to me, because you may be illustrating something fundamental about the roles that men and women play in our culture. Your basic premise, when you sent out your request, was that your twins would benefit from a structured preschool experience. It seems like both groups thought that they were helping ... but the men took issue with your premise and sought to "correct" it, while the moms accepted the premise and simply answered your question. Is it possible that this isn't "toxic masculinity," or a gay thing, but simply a reflection of the gender roles that still persist in our society? For better or worse, it is remains more likely that your gay dads were in professional or supervisory roles (where challenging premises are part of the job) while the moms (presumably younger women) were in more supportive roles. In which case, both groups simply did what they were accustomed to doing. I may be completely off base, but that is what occurred to me ...