That’s a good point, and I am sure that many—perhaps most—people would concur. But while I can imagine being very disappointed in those circumstances, I would view it as a request to renegotiate the relationship, rather than a betrayal. And with that request comes the very real risk that the couple may not be able to agree, and may decide to move on in different directions. That is sad, but not necessarily the worst thing that can happen.

People naturally change as they mature and cope with all that life throws their way, and there is no guarantee that any two individuals will change in ways that are compatible. So I believe that renegotiating the relationship must always be an option, as scary and painful as that may be.

I am licensed as a marriage officiant snd I try to discuss this issue with the couples that I wed. Depending on how firmly they see marriage as a forever thing, I have also on occasion suggested that we drop the “until death do us part” language and instead pledge to be with one another in sickness and in health, through richer or poorer, “for as long as life and love shall allow.” That seems to me to better reflect the reality of modern marriage.