Thanks for your reaponse, Ray. I don’t think I fetishize Black and Asian men … I have been in a polyamorous relationship with my soul mate, a Black man, for 20+ years, and also have a secondary relationship with a Japanese-American man. I am keenly aware that we are poor judges of our own behavior, but if I ever fetishized men of other races or ethnicities, I hope that I am beyond that by now — although I certainly agree with your observation that “this happens more times than you think.”

Fundamentally, the more another male looks like me, the less attractive I find him. Still, the fact that white males generally don’t appeal to me erotically, even when I thoroughly enjoy their company, has always made me feel a little guilty. Some of that stems from a brief fling with a very good (white) friend of many years; I think he was excited about the possibility of a relationship with me, but I broke it off because the physical connection simply wasn’t there.