Not sure that this helps, but here is another perspective to reflect on … forgiveness is yet another area where it appears that Christianity has broken with Judaism, and may have discarded some deeper wisdom in the process.

In the Jewish tradition, forgiveness is obligatory … but only AFTER the offending party has apologized and made the offended party whole (that is, repaid any material losses) to the extent that that is possible. At that point, if the offended party fails to forgive, he or she assumes the guilt that was formerly associated with the offending party.

To forgive when the offending party has not sought it, or when an apology has been made but there is no attempt to make the offended party whole again, is to enable (and thus reinforce) dishonest and/or hurtful behavior.

Likewise, to withhold forgiveness (or to offer it grudgingly and partially—“I forgive you, but I no longer trust you”) is inadequate because it fails to do what the goal is (or ought to be): to fully restore the relationship between the parties. Hence, it is serious as the original offense.

I don’t wish to offend anyone elseʻs sincere religious beliefs … but I do think that this approach to foregiveness is psychologically more sound than forgiving someone who hasnʻt sincerely sought it and attemptef to restore the relationship … “cheap grace” is rarely valued by the party receiving it.