My first inclination, after reading this, was to judge the author for being shallow and, even worse, oblivious to her shallowness. To find Simon’s behavior repulsive was one thing (it clearly was); to allow herself to be influenced by the way others responded to his physical appearance was another thing entirely.

But then I dismounted from my high horse and thought about two young men that I dated — very briefly — many years ago. One was strikingly handsome, if you just looked at a one-dimensional picture of him. In person, however, you were struck by the degree to which his forehead jutted out over his eyes, giving him a sort of Neanderthal appearance. The second man had unusually large gaps between his teeth, and the roof of his mouth seemed to hang down, being visible whenever he smiled. Both men seemed interested in pursuing a relationship with me, but in both cases I backed away after one or two dates. Would I have invested more time, explored the possibilities, if they had been better looking? I don’t honestly know, but it is possible.

My current boyfriend is quite handsome, and looks much younger than his actual age. I don’t believe that appearance plays a role in our relationship; we simply “get” each other in a way that I have never experienced before and after eighteen years, I can still say that I would rather spend time with him than anyone else that I know. But would I feel the same if he had some obvious physical “defect”? I can only say that I hope so … but, truth be told, I may be a little more shallow than I like to think.