I have to agree that what you are describing doesn’t sound like an authentic, loving relationship … but then, we readers don’t have all the facts and may be misjudging the situation. Let’s recap: hubby recognized that he wasn’t meeting all of your needs and gave his blessing to your dating other guys. He then had second thoughts and withdrew his blessing. This happened a couple of times. Now he is happily fucking other women openly and you are being fucked by other guys—but secretly.

Have you tried to be open with him after he started seeing other women? It may be that his outside activities have given him more security and that he could now accept the old addage, “What is good for the goose is good for the gander.” If so, you would have an opportunity to move your marriage to another realm—that of mutual trust, respect and honesty.

If he still can’t deal with the reality of your situation, then you accept a marriage that is characterized by dishonesty … or you make some changes. I can’t tell you what those changes ought to be, but speaking with a good therapist might be helpful.