I get that and normally would agree with you, but I question whether that approach works in this instance. I coordinate a philosophy meetup and we recently concluded a four week discussion of transgender issues … a discussion that attracted a number of trans exclusionary feminists. Sadly, it was very much like trying to reason with religious fundamentalists. They have been exposed to a steady stream of propaganda for years and had canned answers for every question. They insisted that they were taking a scientific stand when they argued that trans women were men, women needed safe spaces in the community, trans girls and women shoukd only participate on men’s sports teams and treatment for gender dysphoria was child abuse. When people are in that space, they will view accommodation on your part as acknowledging that they are correct—they are not open to changing their minds.

Having said that, I don’t believe that any individual trans woman is obligated to confront these people and their biases—it is a legitimate option to choose discretion and avoid what can obviously become a very uncomfortable situation. And perhaps you are right and that strategy will be effective in some cases. My experience doesn’t give me much hope, however.