I am sorry that you find yourself in this situation. Obviously I only know what you have shared, but it seems that the ‘trap’ you are in is your reluctance to talk openly and honestly with your wife. You are approaching this as your problem alone … but it isn’t. There is no blame here—you are both victims of unfortunate circumstances, and the healthiest solution can only come out of a dialogue between the two of you. But you can’t expect her to participate willingly in that dialogue when she has been kept in the dark about your actual feelings. It may be necessary to have that dialogue with a therapist in the room, and you are well advised to proceed slowly if she really hasn’t a clue about what you have been struggling with … but ultimately, she is your partner, not your ward. You have a right to expect her to step up and look for a mutually agreeable solution … and she has a right to expect you to be honest with her.