Peruse the relationship section on Medium and you will see one message repeated time and time again: sexual infidelity, or even emotional infidelity, is simply not permissible. Traditionalists argue that cheating violates a contractual relationship and destroys the trust that is the foundation of a strong marriage. Some go further and maintain that adultery is a sin: when a married person is intimate with someone other than his or her spouse, he or she has offended God.
Polyamorists and other non-traditional types usually don’t invoke the wrath of the deity, but they do see infidelity as a major violation of the principles of ethical non-monogamy. There is a vast difference between having a secret affair and being in a healthy and honest open relationship. In the latter, everyone is treated as an equal; in the former … not so much.
It is hard to argue with that: by its very definition, cheating means that someone is being kept in the dark, denied information that may be very important to him or her. I am not going to say that this is ever ideal — it isn’t. But is it always the wrong thing to do?
Or can it be an acceptable option when all of the alternatives are less than ideal? Let’s discuss a situation that a friend of mine found himself in several years ago. This is how he summed it up to me:
